"bleh" *fart sound effect*

She doesn't want a lot...

"Someone should really put out a wet floor sign "

✨ The most magical fairy princess in all of DMAU ✨

The greatest spy informant/journalist DMAU has to offer. Not a spy, nope, not one bit.

He serves so much cunt. His entire personality is party and slut. There is literally nothing else to him and it’s actually very funny.

As seen on DMAU

Solomon's little court jester (predecessor of Google)

Google, show me this guys balls.

Solomon's little court jester and servant, he listens to and complies with literally any request he has. 

You know, he went to university for a degree in Philosophy.

Was taken randomly by Solomon because he needed a new little guy 

Merry's distant cousin, she has 5 husbands (and has gotten 2/5 of said husbands pregnant (because she is an alpha), one of her husbands is Slutshit (Slut is the family name and business)

The famous internet influencer cult entertainer

"Alexander Hamsterton"

Husband of Shitfuck

(YY - YY)

A laid back and mildly crafty cannabis plantfolk, they're a good listener and are happy to hang out whether you need someone to talk to or just want to have fun with a friend.

They always kind of smell weird.

He's a real boy!

He had polio as a kid and is now disabled. His entire family just calls him polio. Nobody even remembers what his name was actually. 

Gets no bitches </3

What a scaredy-cat!

"God I fucking hate everything fuck you you're so fucking self centered". 

Needless to say he is everyones least favorite DMAU character

"Has anyone seen my brother?"

Who is this again?

"Hey guys it's me hit DMAU character Shitfuck" 

He's everyone's favourite character

Beloved god of joy and whimsy, smeepsmorf is our FAVORITE weasel with a knack for collecting ex wives and consuming ecstasy.
(disclaimer: smeepsmorf has no powers or godlyhood)

Wawaweewah

A dead worm that Solomon chose as his first Prophet (it is a literal worm and was already dead when he chose it). Scalene eventually got so fed up with him that she made him choose a different one (Merry). #neverforgetwormy 

Has rabies 

He was hit in the skull with a brick as a baby. His skull is dented. The only word he can say is "brick"

A rootin' tootin' cowboy!

Never got the memo that we'd evolved past cavemen

The family barber

Open this door right now or I'm gonna throw rocks at your window you dumb whore

Does insane amounts of ketamine. Wears a horse head mask 24/7.

Married to Shithoe

Shockingly an alcoholic

Cheating on Shitcuck

Married to Beariah Carey, guess what her favourite holiday is

His name wasn't always Slutshit, he just married into the Slut family