Divine (im)Mortal
Written by Wolsal
AN: Spekal janks 2 my wife (ew nit in that way i hate women) @CrussoFang on Facebook 4 inspeyring me 2 fallow my pashins with writing. U rok! N shoutout to me, the love of my deprzzing life (me). MCR ROX
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Hi my name is Solomon Sha’dow Dementia Bug Way and I have long black hair with bugs in it that goes down to my ass (not in a gay way) and neon go-light coloured eyes like crushed dead fireflies and a lot of people tell me I look like Gerard Way (AN: if u dont kno who that is ur a dork ass big loser who probably listens to Katy Pery). I’m not related to Amy Lee which im perfectly fine with becaus i don’t like women and would never be related to one. I’m a goat but not in a gay way. I have grey fur. I’m also god and I'm the coolest hottest one at that. I'm in my 980th year of godhood (I’m 1,006). Im a punk emo boy (incase you couldn’t tell) and i wear mostly black and sometimes green when i’m feeling funky (but not in a gay way). I love Hot Topic and the sexy version of Hot Topic and i buy all my clothes there. For example today i was wearing a cool black leather jacket with tight black ripped jeans and a bright green shirt (a brat one) with big black platform boots (not because im short, im actually the tallest man alive) and a black chain necklace. I was walking outside my college school because im bored and too hot to do any work. It was fucking sunny out as always but thats ok because i actually like the sun. Some prep losers (they probably listen to Katy Parry) were staring at me. I put my middle finger up at them.
“Hey Solomon-” shouted a voice. I looked up and it was… Keith! Just Keith i dont remember his last name and i don’t fucking care.
“What’s up Keith?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He said shyly.
But then, i heard my friends call me and i had to go away.
AN: Is it the best youve ever read? PLS TELL ME JANKS
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The next day i woke up and it was bright and sunny but thats fine but i wouldve liked to have kept sleeping so its not fine. I opened the door of my bed and drank some alcohols from a bottle i had. My bed has a big ebony frame and a big mesh bed veil covering it and big soft blankets and nice pillows i put on it. I got out of my bed and took of my MCR shirt that i use as pajamas. Instead, i put on a leather jacket (no shirt im too sexy for one) and tight skinny black ripped emo jeans and high heels but not because im short. I put in 3 pairs of earrings in my pierced ears (the 4th one is somewhere else) because someone jealous of me stole my earrings out of my ears yesterday.
My friend, Merry (AN: Crusso nis is u!!) woke up and then grinned at me. She flipped her shoulder length beer yellow hair and opened her pepto bismol pink eyes. She put on her t-shirt that was pink and stuff and didn’t put on heightened shoes (not because she’s taller than me). She put on her makeup but i didn’t because im a masculine manly man who doesnt need makeup and everyone says i wear eyeshadow but i don’t because thats just the colours of my eyelids its pretty annoying eugh.
“OMFG, i saw you talking to… uhh… that random guy named Keith the other day!” She said excitedly
“Yeah? So?” I said, not blushing because im not gay
“Do you like Keith?” She asked as we exited our dorm room and into the outside towards our college university school.
“Im not fucking gay oh my god shut up Merry!” I shouted.
“Yeah right!” She exclaimed. Just then, Keith walked up to me.
“Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” i replied straightly.
“Guess what.” he said
“What?” I asked
“Well, Shit and the Fuck are having a concert in The Bar.” he told me
“Ok?” i said. I literally do not know who those are.
“Well… do you want to go with me?” he asked.
“Kay.” i said, enthusiastically.
AN: STOP UNLIKING THE STORY DORKZ OK! u prep loosers probably listen to Kaity Perry. Utherwise janks 2 da emo peeple 4 da goodlikes. Arh yeah i don actually owndis or da lyriks, k?
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On the night of the concert i put on my black lace up high heel boots (not because im short, im really tall actually. Way taller than Keith.). Then i put on baggy pants because im trying to be different and still no shirt because im way too hot for one (in a straight kind of way). I put on an emo black leather jacket. I didn’t straighten my hair because i am alredy straight. I felt a little depressed then so i slit one of my wrists. I pretended to read a depressing book (i cant read) while i waited for it to stop bleeding and i listened to a youtube compilation of children falling. I painted my claws black and thought about how it is cool that i dont need makeup but i wish people would stop saying my eyelids are makeup. I drank some alcohols so i was ready for the concert.
I went outside, Keith was waiting outside in a motorcycle with walls. He was wearing a shrimple plan black t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy skated pants, black nail polish (which is kinda gay unlike me) and either really big lash extensions or just his whiskers (AN: A lot of kewl str8 boys wair it ok).
“Hi Keith!” I said in a depressed voice.
“Hi Solomon” he said back. We walked into his weird machine that was like 2 motorcycles with a house in the middle (the license plate said 666) and drove to the place with the concert. On the way we listened to Brat and youtube fail compilations. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there we got out of the motorcycle house. We went to the mosh pit and jumped up and down as we listened to Shit and the Fucks.
“Its me, hit dmau character shitfuck, fuck fuck fuck shit shit shit its me shitfuck fuck shit” sang Shitfuck
(I dont own the lyriks 4 dat song)
“Shitfuck is so fucking hot” i said to Keith, pointing him out as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.
Suddenly Keith looked sad.
“What’s wrong?” i asked as we moshed to the music. Then i caught on
“No but like- not in a gay way im straight. Im not gay.” i said
“... really?” Keith asked in what I assume to be adoration for my straightness.
“Really.” i said. “Besides i dont even know Shitfuck and he’s going out with Lin fucking Manuel Panda. I fucking hate that little bitch.” I said disgustedly, thinking of his stupid red face.
That night went on really well, and i had a great time. So did Keith. After the concert we drank some alcohols and then had platonic sex between 2 straight men (im not gay). Keith and i crawled back into the motorcycle house, but Keith didnt act drive back in2 town. He drove into……………….. The fucked up forest.
AN: STUP SAYING SOLOMON IS GAY. he isnt gay, hes straight. HES JUST EMO! NOT GAY! & his name is SLOMONOM not mary su ok so stop saying hes gay!
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